


To Leave and Turn to Dust

by magicites



Category: Kamen Rider W (Double)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-02
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:01:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2246580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicites/pseuds/magicites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Demons don't know what love is. They can't.</p>
<p>They're just monsters.</p>
<p>(Or, how those statements are proven wrong in many different ways.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Leave and Turn to Dust

**Author's Note:**

> This AU is heavily inspired by the drama Shinigami-kun. You don't need to watch it to understand this at all, but many of the plot elements and the basic premise was taken from it.
> 
> This fic is going to end up being long! I wouldn't expect it to update often if I were you, reader, but I'm determined to finish it. I've been in Shophil hell for a solid 3 months, and I don't think I'm leaving anytime soon.

Humans are _fascinating._

Every action is a wonder to observe. And the sheer amount of variability that exists within a single human is amazing! One moment, they could be driven by emotional irrationality – the next by cold, calculated logic.

Raito doesn’t quite understand them, and he isn’t sure that he ever will, but each observation brings him a little close to unlocking this mystery. Not all humans are equal. Some are insufferably predictable; he pays those ones little mind. But there are times when he finds one that can’t be explained with a cursory glance; one that is a walking contradiction to its own ideals.

Those are the ones he wishes to dig into and unravel.

* * *

“I don’t get what you see in that human,” Wakana says. Her eyes are too focused on the small machine in her hands (humans call it a video game system; she picked it up from the last human she contracted, and hasn’t put it down since) to look over at Raito’s mirror, but the same scene is always plastered on the glass. This particular human has been a topic of interest for weeks.

“He’s wonderful!” Raito responds. They’ve had this same conversation several times before, and the direction it takes never changes. “Did you know that he replicated the exact same recipe his mentor’s child created for coffee, and yet he couldn’t make it taste the same? How does he accomplish that?”

Truly puzzling.

“He needs a recipe for coffee?” Wakana asks, baffled. She crinkles her nose in distaste. “How pathetic.”

Raito stands up, the mirror on his desk temporarily forgotten. The human is only filling out paperwork for his mentor at the moment, so there is no need to keep a close watch on him. “So you don’t normally need a recipe for coffee?” He grins. “Amazing. Tell me, how is it normally made?”

“You measure some coffee grounds and water, then put it into a coffee maker and turn it on. Simple!”

“And yet he’s never once gotten a compliment on the coffee he’s made, despite its simplicity…”

Wakana stops responding. A frantic tapping fills the air. Wakana’s finger pounds against one of the buttons on the system, and the stylus in her other hand slides against the bottom screen. After a few moments, her expression darkens. She clicks her tongue and folds the system in two. She tosses it across the bed, where it lands in the messy blankets by her feet. “Are you going to contract him or not, Raito? You haven’t contracted a human in months. Father’s going to start pushing you.”

“Eventually. I’m waiting for the right moment,” Raito responds. They all have their preferences when it comes to the humans they contract. He only goes after ones that keep his attention – contracting humans is the best way to study them, after all. He has to be especially careful when it comes to contracting this one. He has a chance only if he appears at the right moment.

Now, it’s only a matter of waiting.

* * *

His first interaction with his human happens on a windy afternoon.

There are times when simply observing through the mirror isn’t enough. It can only act as a window into the human world when there is a reflective surface to transform. Without that, it’s useless. It works fine within houses or buildings, but in a park like this, there simply aren’t many reflective surfaces to choose from.

His human is with his mentor’s child, as usual. Raito sits at their bench, less than a meter away from them. He is often thankful for his ability to become intangible at will. It is an extremely useful tool. They won’t notice him unless he reveals himself to them, so he can observe his human with ease.

The conversation they’re currently in isn’t one that interests him. His human appears stiffer than usual, but it must be because of the autumn breeze that ruffles his hair and tugs at his clothing. Raito watches him only for a few short moments.

What makes this human so interesting isn’t his job, but the way his emotions seep unfiltered out of his skin, contrary to everything he wishes to be. To put a human term to it, “he wears his heart on his sleeve.”

When he looks away from them, he notices Wakana sitting across the table from him. He nearly freezes in place, but all it takes is a stifled giggle from her to thaw him out. “You’re observing him _again_?”

“Yes, although I haven’t exactly learned anything new yet…” He says, shooting a pointed look directly at his human. Though he shudders and looks around wildly for a moment, a slap from the mentor’s child directs his attention back to her. They argue about something relating to their mentor – Raito really couldn’t care less.

Wakana, however, looks incredibly pleased. She reaches over the table and snag’s Raito’s hand in her own. She gently pries it open, and presses several coins against his palm. They’re cold to the touch. “Then you have time to go buy me a donut and a drink, right?”

He isn’t quite sure what a donut actually is, but what comes out of his mouth is, “I don’t understand why you can’t buy it yourself.”

She pouts. “Please, Raito?”

“Well…alright.” He grasps the coins tightly as he stands up. “Is there a specific kind I should order?”

“Strawberry frosting. Oh, and tea! And go now, before the line gets long.”

Raito spares a few precious seconds to bow. “Anything for you, your highness.” About halfway to the stand, he disables his magic, allowing every human in the area to see him. None of them take any notice. He waits quietly as the line progresses, taking care to note how the customers interact with the seller. When it’s his turn, the transaction goes smoothly enough. His only mistake came in how he paid for the food – apparently _he_ was supposed to count out the exact amount of change, rather than just pushing his handful of coins forward on the counter.

Raito makes his way back to the table, waiting for just the right moment to disappear again. His current appearance didn’t alert the humans, but he couldn’t let his human know of his presence quite yet. The time isn’t right yet.

None of that matters when his body collides with another, sending him stumbling back. His balance is completely lost. The tea is going to end up all over him now.

He feels a hand clasp around his wrist, and suddenly, he’s pulled back onto his feet. The tea is safe.

His human stands in front of him. Raito stares dumbly at where his hand is gripped around his wrist, and then up at his face. His touch burns.

The anger on his human’s face quickly gives way to confusion. In a way, Raito’s reaction mirrors his own – his expression changes, yes, but the confusion gives way to an elated smile.

His human’s eyes widen, and he looks away hurriedly. Raito cranes his neck slightly, trying to get a better look at his expression. His cheeks sport a light dusting of red – the cause must be embarrassment. That isn’t an emotion Raito has much experience with. “Wonderful,” he breathes out in a whisper.

“Y-you should watch where you’re going,” his human mutters to his feet, cheeks even redder than before. His words sound rough, and the way he rolls each sound in his mouth before spitting it out is (amazing) (perfect) fascinating. There is no venom. Concern, maybe, but definitely not venom. “Don’t want to spill that,” he nods his head towards the drink in Raito’s hand.

“Yes,” Raito says, and because he feels a faint, awkward void growing between them, he adds, “thank you.” They go their separate ways; his human walks over to the stand, and Raito returns to the table. He checks around to see if anyone happens to be watching him still. Their collision drew a few eyes. Satisfied that no one is paying any real amount to attention to him anymore, he disappears, and turns to watch his human. He moves with a stiff, fast gait that betrays his embarrassment. Raito eagerly absorbs this sight.

When he stops to order something at the same stall, Raito returns to the table. Wakana picks the donut off of the plate as he sets it and the tea in front of her. She bites into it, taking care to chew slowly and savor the taste. Her lips draw upward in a smile, and when she swallows, it doesn’t leave.

“How did your meeting go?” She teases in-between bites. Her attention is only half on him as she eats, but it’s enough for him to answer her.

“I had suspected that he gets easily flustered, but seeing it in person is an entirely different experience.” He can hear the wonder in his own voice. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a subject like him before.”

“I still don’t see how he’s so special. He’s just another human.”

“Oh! That is where you’re wrong, dear sister,” he says, hoping that the title will clue her in to his true intention. He means to tease, not to condescend down to her. “He's so much more than just another human.”

“Well, this is so much more than just another human thing,” she shoots back, easily receiving his teases. She holds the donut out to him. “Try it.”

Raito leans across the table and rips a piece off of the donut with his teeth. A sweet, fruity flavor bursts across his tongue. “Oh!” He says through a mouthful of dough and frosting, looking at her in wonder. “This is amazing!”

“More amazing than your human, right?” Wakana asks.

Raito swallows. “Not quite.”

She pouts, and sets the donut down to take a sip of her tea. Raito takes the opportunity to rip off another piece of her donut and toss it in his mouth.

* * *

His human’s mentor is in danger. He hides it from both of his apprentices. His child is wary, but her searches through his office are in vain. He isn’t stupid enough to hide his secrets in such an obvious place.

Raito doesn’t particularly care for the mentor, but his story is intriguing. He isn’t nearly as fascinating as his apprentice, but there’s something about him that feels faintly nostalgic. There’s a certain atmosphere around him that, on very rare occurrences, brings to mind the hazy memories of his childhood.

Curiosity is the sole force that drives Raito to follow him through the streets late at night. The timing is deliberate; his apprentices are soundly asleep right now. They’ll follow him wherever he goes. That isn’t what he wants right now.

He muses on how harshly Saeko and his father would reprimand him if they were to find out about this. Wakana knows, and she’s long since stopped trying to discourage him from studying this particular group. Demon hunters are dangerous to them in the same way that ants are dangerous to humans. They carry a threat, but it’s so minuscule that there’s no point in worrying.

The mentor stalks through the shadowy streets as if he was raised in them. His head is not held high, and his hat conceals his face from the prying eyes of strangers (including Raito), but he walks with a swift-legged confidence that leaves Raito trotting to keep up.

On a whim, Raito reveals himself. His family would be furious, but he has questions that only this human can answer. “Why do you insist on visiting them? Surely you know that they’re going to harm you.”

The mentor does not look back. He just keeps walking forward with the same pace as before. There is no surprise in his voice. “In this business, sometimes it’s necessary to get your hands dirty.”

“Despite the knowledge that you’re going to be outmatched?”

“I like to think that I have a chance.”

“But they’re bound to take every advantage they can against you. Humans like that only want to achieve their goal, and it seems that their current goal is to kill you.”

The man stops. He raises the brim of his hat as he turns to face Raito. The atmosphere grows tense, though darkness clouds over the cause.

“You…” the man says, “you’re Fumine’s son, aren’t you?”

Raito’s mind goes blank. His knees shake. The ground itself feels as if it’s about to give out beneath him. He is on the edge of falling, falling, falling into nothing. A physical blow would have been less staggering.

“Y-you knew my mother?” Raito asks in a broken voice, taking a step towards the mentor. His face, like the rest of his body, is stone. He could crush Raito into oblivion in an instant.

“Not very well, but I did.” He shoves his hands into his pockets. “You must have been a toddler back then.”

“She contracted you, didn’t she.” Raito doesn’t pose it as a question – he already knows the answer. She wouldn’t have revealed herself to him if she had no intention of contracting him.

He nods.

There must be some sort of irony in this situation. In front of him is the human who inspired every cautionary tale he’s heard throughout his life when it came to contracting humans. He’s warning the very same human who ended a contract with both his soul intact to _stay safe_.

Additionally, he wants to contract this human’s protégé. It sounds unreal. Raito doesn’t believe in fate – that’s much too irrational for him – but this is almost enough to make him wonder.

“She ceased to exist because of you,” Raito says. His statement hangs in the air. It is empty of any meaning outside of the very obvious. It sounds like how he feels.

“I’ve done some shady things over the years, but I wasn’t the one to break that contract,” the mentor replies. He takes another step forward, and says quietly, “kid, I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me.”

“Honestly, I don’t know how I feel.” The only feeling that can cut through the numbness is a vague confusion, edging in and out of his mind. It’s only half-there. It doesn’t even stem from this human’s relationship to his mother – rather, it stems from his actions now. Raito looks him straight in the eyes. “More importantly, why aren’t you attempting to kill me?”

The mentor – no, the exorcist – almost cracks a grin at that. “I promised her that I wouldn’t hurt you or your sisters. There are bigger demons to take down.”

“Such as my father, I presume.”

“His name wasn’t on the list.”

“I don’t understand you. Why are you keeping a promise you made to a demon that failed to consume your soul? Her request to spare my life had nothing to do with the contract.”

The exorcist turns around. It is no different from staring at his face; he remains as difficult to read as before. “Because we were friends.”

Friends…?

The man begins to walk away. Raito shouts a hurried, “wait!” at his receding form, but he raises a hand in the air and flicks a goodbye to him.

“Don’t worry about me, kid. I can handle myself,” he says. “She made sure of that.”

The image of his body transforming, white suit giving away to a dark covering of armor, burns itself into Raito’s mind.

* * *

“Raito. Aren’t you going to contract a human soon?” Saeko stands in front of him, looking down at him with thinly-veiled disdain. “It’s unwise to wait this long. It’s been four months.”

“Soon, I promise,” he replies coolly.

“You’re not showing sympathy for these humans, are you?” She asks. He muses on how, if it weren’t for the height boost from her shoes, she would have to look up at him. “Because they’re not worth it. They’re all fickle, disgusting creatures. They’re nothing but filth.”

“I know.”

There’s no reason to voice his true feelings. He’ll never agree with her, but she’ll never understand why.

* * *

Despite his claims, the exorcist continues to be in danger. Raito observes him closely, careful not to alert Saeko and his father to what he’s doing. Only Wakana knows who this human truly is, and though she disapproves, she keeps his secret well-guarded.

The exorcist is a curious individual, but Raito is still set on contracting his apprentice. Everything that the apprentice lacks when compared to his mentor is what makes him special. Besides, this constant, looming danger only makes it easier for Raito to contract him. Soon, his human will break, and when that happens, Raito will be there to collect the shattered pieces.

The moment comes on a dark, cloudy night. The exorcist leaves his apprentices with a flimsy excuse about business that he needs to attend to and a firm command to stay at home, but his child refuses to listen. She pulls Raito’s human to his feet and forces him out of the door, proclaiming that she won’t let their mentor sneak around anymore.

Raito eagerly follows them. Their conversation is interesting, but hard to follow. He listens regardless, and smiles whenever they gesture wildly at each other.

The exorcist’s child is so exuberant, so utterly full of life; he’s almost fond of her.

They arrive at the warehouse that the exorcist’s enemies have claimed as their home base. They sneak in with a surprising amount of stealth, and an even more surprising lack of arguments. Only a few hissed whispers are traded back and forth, but they’re not even loud enough for Raito to pick up on.

The scene is brutal. At least a dozen humans surround the exorcist, who is clad in the black armor Raito’s mother must have given him during their contract. From this angle, Raito can see a stylized skull decorating the front of his mask. It looks soulless.

It looks fitting.

His apprentices are understandably confused when they first see the exorcist in this form, but only a few brief moments pass before they rush forward to help. Both scramble for some sort of makeshift weapon – the child grabs a metal rod, while his human ends up with a handful of rocks – and start attacking.

“Shotaro! Akiko!” The exorcist practically screams. His voice sounds raw with anger. “Get your asses out of here!”

“And leave you to fight alone!?” His child shrieks, her rod connecting with the knee of one of the other humans. He crumples to the ground in pain, and two more surround her. They slowly back her into a corner.

“We’re old enough to help you, chief!” His human shouts, throwing stone after stone at their enemies. His throws rarely connect, but they do cause a couple of them to quit attacking the exorcist and go after him instead. His punches are clumsily executed, but he at least manages to stand his ground.

They’re still grossly outnumbered, but the exorcist is no longer completely overwhelmed. He knocks a couple humans to the ground, and wrestles the gun out of another’s hand. He aims it at the human’s foot, and shoots. His enemy falls to the floor.

“You’re barely nineteen, kid!” The exorcist replies, taking another enemy down. “You can’t even drink alcohol yet!”

Raito sits on a nearby box and watches the scene unfold. The backs of his feet tap against the box, leaving hollow echoes hanging in the air, but all of the humans are too engrossed in their own matters to notice. He smiles to himself. Only a little longer now.

He can see the frustration boiling underneath his human’s skin. He swings his leg out and sends his remaining attacker to the ground, stepping on his chest as he runs to the exorcist’s side.

Raito casts a glance over to the door. Looks as if reinforcements have arrived. When Raito focuses his attention back onto his human, he notices that a few attackers from before still remain. The exorcist’s child runs over and slams her weapon into one attacker’s temple, sending them straight to the ground.

As more humans swarm in, it’s becoming increasingly clear that they’re not all going to survive this ordeal. Raito waits, curious to see how this will turn out. If he has to, he’ll intervene just long enough to save his human’s life (because he can’t let such a fascinating subject go to waste), but for now, he’s content to simply watching.

What is curious about this specific group is that they’re less focused on outright killing the three than the first group. After a few minutes, and after his human is held between two of the attackers, it becomes obvious that they’re only trying to subdue them. When all three are –finally- captured, a new human appears.

He doesn’t look like the other attackers. Judging by the reaction on the exorcist’s face, this is the leader of the group; the one who ordered their deaths in the first place.

“This is your just desserts, Narumi!” The human says with a bark of a laugh. “You musta seen it coming!”

Both the exorcist and his child’s head lift at the mention of their shared name. The child begins to scream insults, but her words go unnoticed. What makes her fall silent is a sudden flash of metal and a gunshot that echoes in the air.

The attacker’s arm is pointed straight towards the night sky. Smoke trails from the gun in his hand. Raito’s human is now nothing but cold-faced fury. He begins to struggle more violently than before, and is rewarded with a swift kick to the stomach. He spits out a mouthful of blood and continues to struggle.

“Shotaro!” The exorcist barks. “Stop that. You’re going to get yourself killed.”

“The man’s got a point,” the attacker says. “Be good and I’ll let you live, kid. My business is with Skull over here, not you punks.” He cracks a wry grin at the word ‘skull.’ That must be the exorcist’s title in that form. Raito rather likes it.

The attacker and Skull trade banter back and forth. The attacker walks over to him, and breathes insults right onto his face. Raito couldn’t care less about their words; he cares only about how his human reacts to the situation in front of him, as if he is the one being insulted. He looks much angrier than Skull.

When the attacker turns his back on them, Raito’s human springs to action. He shoves his elbows into his captor’s chests, and sprints towards the attacker, fist raised and ready to attack. He yells something intelligible, drowned out by Skull’s shout of, “no!”

Skull also breaks free (and beside him, his child struggles to do the same). He pushes his human out of the way just as the attacker turns. Gunshots fill the air. Skull’s transformation breaks, revealing the haggard, tired man beneath. A hungry, deep red crawls across his suit, spreading from his stomach outwards. He staggers backward, and collapses to the ground.

“Chief!” His human cries.

“Dad!” His child screams, violently throwing herself against her captors in an attempt to get free.

Raito hops off of the box. It’s time.

“Oh, oh shit. Oh god, fuck, damn it all! I gotta get out of here.” The attacker mutters frantically as he stumbles backwards. He lands on the ground, and scrambles to get back to his feet. He doesn’t stop moving. “Just drop the girl and run!” He commands as he turns and sprints out of the warehouse.

Skull’s child falls to the ground, but she crawls over to her father. She pulls a strange device out of her pocket (the word escapes Raito; it’s some strange communication device, that much he’s certain of. He makes a mental note to ask Wakana later on, after he initiates his contract) and taps the keys on it with shaking hands. She cries words that he can’t quite make out into the device as she tries to pick up her father and hold him in his arms. The blood only continues to seep out of his body.

“Chief! You can’t die yet, Chief. Not like this,” his human says, kneeling at Skull’s side. He shakes his shoulders roughly. “Don’t you dare die on me!”

This scene isn’t confusing at all for him to understand, but he struggles to sympathize. He can’t imagine what kind of raw emotion swirls underneath his human’s skin; he can put names to it, but the actual feelings are just vague concepts that he can only grasp at.

What confuses him is the fact the he has yet to reveal himself to them. He could easily contract his human now. He’d wish for Skull’s life to be saved before Raito could even finish explaining himself. But something, some strange, dark pit in his stomach, keeps him silent.

Maybe this is what wanting revenge feels like. He wonders if Skull’s death will atone for his mother’s disappearance.

Even if it does, he does not like this feeling. Still, he stays silent.

Skull takes the hat off of his head, and holds it in his shaking hands. “Neither of you deserve this hat yet,” he says weakly. “But I’m certain that one day you will.”

“And you’ll be there to tell us when!” His child insists.

Skull smiles, but there is no happiness on his face. “Don’t let that bastard go free. He’ll only hurt others.”

His human slowly stands up, furiously scrubbing at his face with his hand. Raito didn’t notice the tears before, but they stream freely from his reddened eyes. “You’re gonna be ok, Chief,” he says in a choked, quiet whisper. “Right?”

“Right, Dad?” His child asks.

Skull drops the hat over his stomach. It covers the red on his suit jacket. The last words he says are, “make me proud. All three of you.”

* * *

Raito’s legs shake as he follows after his human. He’s followed after the attacker for the past hour, but he’s made little progress. He limps along, holding onto anything in his path for support. He clings to a streetlamp, and falls to his knees.

The world is heavy around them. The humans must have been too absorbed by grief to fully process Skull’s last words, but they play over and over in Raito’s mind. It is the only thing that’s kept him hidden – at least, he thinks he is hidden – from his human’s senses.

But his window of opportunity is closing. His human is growing weaker by the second; if Raito does not act soon, he will lose him.

So steps into the light, and reveals himself. “You don’t seem to be doing very well,” Raito says coolly.

His human looks back at him, eyes wide and bright and too, too sharp. His grip on the post tightens. “Who are you?” He asks. “Why are you here?”

Raito grins. “I’m here to offer you something.” He holds up three fingers. “I’ll grant whatever three wishes your heart desires.” Raito knows him well enough to know that, if he wasn’t overcome with exhaustion and grief, he would have cracked a joke.

But he isn’t himself, so he grunts out, “what’s the catch?”

“Your soul will belong to me,” Raito answers simply.

“What are you?” He asks.

“I’ve been called the devil before, but I’m simply a demon,” Raito says with a shrug.

His human coughs out a laugh. “I can’t believe this. A demon trying to rope _me_ into a contract?”

Raito nods. “My magic is extremely powerful, you know,” he says, kneeling down in front of him. They’re face to face now; his human’s expression remains hard. His breathing is labored.

“Then bring the chief back to life,” his human commands.

“Now _that_ is out of my capability. No one can bring the dead back to life. Once a soul leaves its body, heaven itself is the only thing that has power over it.”

“Then you’re useless! Get out of my sight,” he snaps. Raito sees a myriad of emotions in his eyes: hate, exhaustion, heartbreak. He wishes he could crawl into his mind and pick them apart one by one, examine the pieces until he could fit them back together and make sense of him for once.

“Are you sure?” Raito whispers. “I can’t restore his life, but I can give you the power to avenge it.”

Ah, that attracts his attention. His eyes flare up. Raito greedily drinks in the sight. “Fine,” his human says. “Lend me your power. Give me the strength to take that bastard down, and keep trash like him from ever harming this city and the people in it.”

“Lend you my power?”

“I can’t do this by myself! Just look at me,” his human says, jerking his head down at his battered and bruised body. “Help me.”

Raito blinks, and for a moment, he feels lost. The feeling doesn’t fade, but he feels himself smile in spite of it. He chose so well this time. His human is so amazing. “Very well,” he says, reaching his hand out.

His human grabs his hand. His palm is gritty with dirt, but that does nothing to dull the pure heat flowing into Raito’s skin. He doesn’t want to let go.

With a small spark of magic, the contract is sealed.

Under the yellow light of the streetlamp, two bodies touch. Only one shadow moves away.


End file.
